From the Daily Public Ledger of Maysville, KY on July 27, 1899:
Used Some Choice Epithets
VANCEBURG, Ky., July 28.--Mrs. Martha Sparks has been sent to jail in default of the payment of a $5 fine assessed by Squire Hays. She was arrested on complaint of John Morris, who proved that Mrs. Sparks had called him a bald-headed scorpion and a bow-legged rhinoceros.
A fellow out West being asked whether the liquor he was drinking was a good article, replied: "Wal, I don't know, I guess so. There is only one queer thing about it. Whenever I wipe my mouth, I burn a hole in my shirt sleeve."
A minister was riding through a section of the State of South Carolina, where custom forbade innkeepers to take pay from the clergy who stayed with them. The minister in question took supper without prayer and ate his breakfast without prayer grace and was about to take departure when mine host presented his bill. "Ah, sir, said he, I am a clergyman." "That may be," responded Boniface; "but you came here, smoked like a sinner, and ate and drank like a sinner, and you slept like a sinner; and now, sir, you shall pay like a sinner."
From the Daily Evening Traveller, Boston, MA on August 11, 1860:
If wooden heads were as serviceable in war as wooden walls, England would have no occasion to fear France.